With news that Lucasfilm will be making Star Wars spin-off movies, we thought that we would help out, give them a little head start in the writing process. We even designed the posters for them.
Check out 10 ideas for future Star Wars spin-off movies…
LANDSPEEDER X-34
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 3 and 4)
Obi Wan Kenobi is a lonely and bitter old man. He hides in the Tattoine desert hating the galaxy and takes great pride in his mint condition Landspeeder X-34, which he lovingly cares for. That is until a small boy called Biggs Darklighter tries to steal it…
Kenobi thwarts him and strikes up a respectful relationship with the boy, but trouble is brewing. A swoop gang that is affiliated with Biggs start to cause the kid trouble, so it is up to Obi Wan to dust off his lightsaber and get medieval on their ass.
STARRING:
Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan, Asa Butterfield as Biggs and Duran Duran as the Swoop Gang.
BEST LINE:
Swoop Leader: What you lookin’ at old man?
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn’t have fucked with? That’s me.
MON CALAMARI BADASS
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 6 and 7)
A dark and violent satire on republic life in the post-Empire era. An unsettling drama with blackly comic overtones.
Admiral Ackbar, the son of a wealthy Mon Calamari financier, is pursuing his own lucrative career in the republic spacefleet. Ackbar is the prototypical playboy, obsessed with success, fashion, and stating the obvious.
He is also a serial killer who murders, rapes, and mutilates both strangers and acquaintances without provocation or reason.
Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight, questions Ackbar about the disappearance of Mon Mothma, whom Ackbar murdered several days earlier. As Skywalker stays on Ackbar’s trail, Ackbar’s mask of studied, distant cool begins to fall apart.
STARRING:
Tim Rose as Admiral Ackbar, Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker and Megan Fox as Ackbar’s girlfriend Ockbar.
BEST LINE:
Admiral Ackbar: You’re a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.
THE CORELLIAN & THE TURNCOAT
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 6 and 7)
Han Solo and Lando Calrissian return to the franchise that helped make them household names in this high speed thriller created by Fast & Furious: Tokyo Drift director Justin Lin.
Ex-smuggler Han Solo is back in Corellia to seek out the truth behind a high-profile crime, but his presence doesn’t sit well with new planetary Agent Lando Calrissian.
These two rivals with an uneasy history are forced to unite in the cause of fighting a common enemy, however, when galactic heists and precision hyperspace chases lead them out of Corellia and into the Outer Rim.
Now, in order to take down a formidable opponent with some serious skills in the cockpit, Han and Lando forge an uncertain partnership while exploring thrilling new frontiers in the fine art of space racing.
STARRING:
Bradley Cooper as Han Solo, Jamie Foxx as Lando Calrissian and Billy Connolly as Spice Overlord McTavish.
BEST LINE:
[Han turns the Falcon around and flies backwards through a meteor shower just for fun]
Lando: CRAZY-ASS WHITE BOY!
BOBA: THE PROFESSIONAL
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 3 and 4)
As visually stylish as it is graphically violent, this thriller directed by Luc Besson concerns Jaina, a 12-year-old girl living in Coruscant who has been exposed to the sordid side of life from an early age: her family lives in a slum and her smuggler father works for drug dealers, cutting and storing dope.
Jaina doesn’t much care for her parents, but she has a close bond with her four-year-old brother. One day, she returns from running an errand to discover that most of her family, including her brother, have been killed in a raid by corrupt Republican agents, led by the psychotic Plimsoll.
Jaina takes refuge in the apartment of her secretive neighbor, Boba, who takes her in with a certain reluctance. She discovers that Boba is a professional assassin, working for a Hutt, a mob kingpin based in the undercity. Wanting to avenge the death of her brother, Jaina makes a deal with Boba to become his protégée in exchange for work as a domestic servant, hoping to learn the hitman’s trade and take out the men who took her brother’s life.
However, an affection develops between Boba and Jaina that changes his outlook on his life and career.
STARRING:
Hailee Steinfeld as Jaina, Jeremy Bulloch as Boba and Zach Galifianakis as Plimsoll
BEST LINE:
Jaina: Boba, I think I’m kinda falling in love with you. [Boba chokes on his blue milk]
NUNB MAN
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 6 and 7)
Self-centered, avaricious playboy Lando Calrissian is informed that his long-estranged father has died. Expecting at least a portion of the elder Calrissian’s 3 million credit estate, Lando learns that all he’s inherited is his dad’s prize pruning shears and a 74-Z speederbike.
Discovering that the 3 million credits are being held in trust for an unidentified party, Lando heads to his home town to ascertain who that party is. It turns out that the beneficiary is Sullustan, Nien Nunb, the autistic- savant family friend. Able to memorize reams of trivia and add, subtract, multiply, and divide without a second’s hesitation, Nien is otherwise incapable of functioning as a normal Sullustan being.
Aghast that Nien is to receive his father’s entire legacy, Lando tries to cut a deal with Nien’s guardian. When this fails, Lando “borrows” Nien from the institution where he lives, hoping to use him as leverage to claim half the fortune.
During their subsequent inter-galactic odyssey, Lando is forced to accommodate Nien’s various autistic idiosyncrasies, not the least of which is his insistence on adhering to a rigid daily schedule: he must, for example, watch Galaxy Quiz and CSI: Coronet every day at the same time, no matter what.
On hitting the gambling paradise of Taris, Lando hopes to harness Nien’s finely-honed mathematical skills to win big at the gaming tables; but this exploitation compels Lando to reassess his own values, or lack thereof.
STARRING:
Will Smith as Lando Calrissian, Verne Troyer as Nien Nunb
BEST LINE:
Nien Nunb: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart.
Lando: Did you fart, N? Did you f**king fart?
Nien Nunb: Fart…Fart…Fart
SITH WINDOW
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 1 and 2)
After being cut in half, Sith badass Darth Maul is confined to his tiny, sweltering courtyard apartment. To pass the time between visits from his nurse and his fashion model girlfriend Margaret, the binocular-wielding Maul stares through the rear window of his apartment at the goings-on in the other apartments around his courtyard.
As he watches his neighbors, he assigns them such roles and character names as ‘Jail Bait’, a professional dancer with a healthy social life or “Crazy Bitch”, a middle-aged woman who entertains nonexistent gentlemen callers.
Of particular interest is seemingly mild-mannered military man General Madine, who is saddled with a nagging, invalid wife. One afternoon, Madine pulls down his window shade, and his wife’s incessant bray comes to a sudden halt. Out of boredom, Maul casually concocts a scenario in which Madine has murdered his wife and disposed of the body in gruesome fashion. Trouble is, Maul’s musings just might happen to be the truth. A cracking, suspense-filled thriller directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
STARRING:
Ray Park as Darth Maul, Judi Dench as the nurse, Juliette Lewis as Margaret and John Goodman as General Madine.
BEST LINES:
Nurse: How’s your legs?
Maul: I haven’t got any.
Nurse: Anything else bothering you?
Maul: How about having no penis.
NOW, APOCALYPSE…HMMM?
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 3 and 4)
Set just after the foundation of the Empire, Francis Ford Coppola’s movie depicts the end days of the war as a descent into primal madness.
Clone Commander Cody, already on the edge, is assigned to find and deal with AWOL Jedi, He tracks Yoda, who’s rumored to have set himself up in the Dagobah swamplands as a local, lethal godhead.
Along the way Cody encounters anti- photon weaponry and Max Rebo fan Col. Piett, draftees who prefer to dance and do spice bombs, and one of Jabba’s playgirls.
By the time Cody sees the heads mounted on stakes near the Jedi’s compound, he knows Yoda has gone crazy, but it is uncertain whether Cody himself now agrees with Yoda’s insane dictum to “Bomb, drop it you must” and other such crazy mutterings that don’t really make sense.
STARRING:
Charlie Sheen as Commander Cody, Brad Pitt as Colonel Piett and Peter Dinklage as Yoda.
BEST LINES:
Yoda: [intercepted hologram recording] Watched I did, a snail. A razor it crawled along, it did. My dream, that is; Nightmare, also. Hmm? Slithering. Crawling. A straight razor edge, slide along it I do…and survive, I do. Hmm?
TEEN WOOK
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 2 and 3)
Teen Wook chronicles the plight of Chewbacca as a young small-town nerd who can’t seem to score a basket on the court or a point with his dream girl. Things change, however, once he enters adolescence.
As he begins to look hairier and hairier, his team begins to win basketball games and his dream girl begins to show interest in his unusual talent.
His story does not progress without complications, however. His best friend, an opportunistic weasel, begins to exploit him beyond his limits of toleration, and his dream girl is captive to her bully boyfriend, who, of course, captains the arch-rival basketball team. A fun-packed film crammed full of Wookie singing, limbs being forcibly removed, blood, evisceration and basketball.
STARRING:
Ryan Gosling as Chewbacca, Winona Ryder as Momacca and Dolph Lundgren as Loarraaarara
BEST LINES:
Chewbacca: Hi. I’d like a keg of Corellian Ale please?
Old man clerk: [looking at a holopaper] You don’t say.
Chewbacca: Yeah. How much is that?
Old man clerk: You little bastards just don’t give up, do you? Listen, no I.D. no goddamn beer. Can’t you get that through your hairy face?
Chewbacca: [picks the clerk up and pulls his arms off] Ale…NOW! [the clerk rolls around on the floor in a growing pool of blood, screaming. Chewbacca picks up some breath mints]
Chewbacca: And these.
FETT, THE BOSSK AND THE VADER
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 4 and 5)
Jeremy Bulloch reprises the role of a taciturn but deadly enigmatic loner. Here he searches for a cache of stolen credits against rivals the Vader, a ruthless Sith Lord, and Bossk, a Trandoshan mercenary.
Though the protagonist, Fett is not much better than his opponents — he is just smarter and shoots faster. Against the backdrop of the Galactic Civil War, they form an uneasy alliance as each knows only a portion of the credits exact location, so for the moment they’re dependent on each other.
However, none are particularly inclined to share…”In pursuit of profit there is no such thing as good and evil, generosity or deviousness; everything depends on chance, and not the best wins but the luckiest.”
STARRING:
Jeremy Bulloch as Boba Fett, Ben Kingsley as Bossk and David Prowse as Darth Vader.
BEST LINES:
Fett: You see, in this galaxy there’s two kinds of people, my friend: Those with an primed EE3 carbine rifle and those who dig. You dig.
THE GALACTIC HANGOVER
(Set Between Star Wars Episode 6 and 7)
A blowout Corellian bachelor party turns into a race against time when three hung-over groomsmen awaken after a night of drunken debauchery to find that the groom has gone missing, and attempt to get him to the alter in time for his wedding.
In 48 hours, Han Solo is scheduled to walk down the aisle, effectively ending his reign as a rowdy bachelor. Realizing that this is their last blowout with their best friend, Han’s groomsmen organize a balls to the wind bachelor bash he’ll never forget.
The next morning, Luke Skywalker walks into their expensive suite to find a rancor in the bathroom and a six-month-old Rodian tucked away in the closet. Unfortunately, Han is nowhere to be found. With no memory of the previous night’s transgressions and precious little time to spare, the trio, Luke, Lando and Chewbacca, set out in a hazy attempt to retrace their steps and discover exactly where things went wrong.
Will they find Han in time to get him to the wedding back in Coruscant, or will Leia experience the sharp sting of disappointment when she walks down the aisle to discover that her future husband is nowhere to be found?
STARRING:
Bradley Cooper as Han Solo, Ryan Gosling as Luke, Denzel Washington as Lando and Will Ferrell as Chewbacca
BEST LINES:
Lando: Remember, what happens in Corellia stays in Corellia. Except for Gamorrean Hepatitis. That shit’ll come back with you.
